I title this: LOST.

Emotionally obliterated in the least…

Always thought of myself…

Free from love’s technicalities until she came around and put a move on me.

I’ve been a casualty of war AND the warrior before

Both the victim and the suspect on the battlefield of neglect

Love and Affection.

Honestly you couldn’t have told me that one day I’d need protection against…

My own strategies for survival emotionally.

Shockingly,

This dark cloud keeps stalking me…

This heavy heart keeps stopping me, and blocking me from being who I used to be.

I’m used to being the one in control of…

All feelings worth feeling,

All tears worth falling,

All sighs worth breathing,

All hearts worth beating, and skipping…and speeding

Cuz now I’m wanting and needing someone other than me…

And its confusing me, “illusionally”, “delusionally”, I’m losing me…

Have you ever felt like you wanted to tell someone something, but you’re too afraid of how they’ll react and you feel like some things are better left unsaid? Constantly I am fighting with myself on whether I should tell this person how I really feel.

I know LOVE is a an emotion and really can’t be defined in a few single words, but I went to look up the word LOVE in the dictionary. This is what I found:

23. for love, a.out of affection or liking; for pleasure. b.
without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.
24. for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.
25. in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.
26. in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one’s work.

The one that really stood out to me was 26. Not even 3 months in and she has me feeling some kind of way. I always want her around and can’t stop thinking about her. Is this infatuation or lust? I know it has to be more because my days are incomplete when she’s not around. Everything I do, eat, breathe, sleep, she’s there. 

I want to tell her so bad…but I’m afraid. Will she believe me? Does she feel the same? Most people take years to find love and some never even find it at all. So am I being unrealistic to think I found it so soon? Does love really have time frame?

More than anything I feel like I’m battling myself than even her really. I don’t want to put myself out there and end up getting hurt. It always seems like I find a way fuck things up and I really dont want to make that mistake here. She’s been hurt before. The last thing I want to do it make her feel that away again. So do I sacrifice and neglect my feelings to spare hers?

I don’t know. I feel like I’m rambling and for once I can’t make sense of anything I am saying or even feeling for that matter. Nothing seems clear. I need answers.

I think I am in love.

Now ain’t that the ugly truth….

Donnellshawn - She Has My Number

Song of the day: RL - Girl Like Her

Stayed tuned…I’m going to elaborate on this one…

Song of the day: Chrishan (the Prince) - Make You My Girl

Lmao! Justin Bieber Rappin?

What is the world coming to?

Take a look for yourself.

Song of the Day: Fabolous ft. Ne-Yo - Makin’ Love

So I like to have a good time but this time I got a little carried away. A few extra drinks ended up being a trip to the tattoo shop. The bad thing about it is that nobody stopped me. My friends in fact told me they made me in some way sober up because you aren’t supposed to get a tattoo if you are drunk.

This changes everything for me. I’ve always said that I never wanted a tattoo in a visible place and one that could potentially influence me getting hired for a job. I don’t necessarily want to be in the corporate world but nonetheless business etiquette is still important.

So as if now I am going to use this product to lighten up my tattoo and there is this “make up” product that can at least conceal my tattoo better.

My mom wasn’t too happy about my tat and neither was my best friend. She out of everyone gave me the most lip about it. I just look at it as, “Hey, at least it says FAITH” and not a demeaning or derogatory term. This is truly out of my character however.

I just gotta trust my bestie and that this “make up” product she is talking about will really work for me, otherwise I think I could have made one of the biggest mistakes ever considering I am about to graduate in 2 months. OH BOY! You live and you learn.

Song of the day: Willie Taylor - Knock It Out The Park